Eloping with Grief: An Exploration of Loss and Longing in 'Three Months After'

Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz's poem, "Three Months After," delves into the complex emotions surrounding grief, painting a vivid picture of the desire to escape and the unexpected intimacy that can develop with sorrow. The poem doesn't explicitly talk about death, but it is implied. It explores the nuances of wanting to disappear, not as a final act, but as a means of finding solace and understanding in the face of overwhelming sadness.

The Allure of Disappearance

The opening lines establish a crucial distinction: the desire to disappear is not synonymous with the desire to die. It's a yearning for respite, a need to detach from the world and its demands. This desire manifests as:

• A longing to avoid explanation and conversation.
• A craving for anonymity, a place where one is unknown.
• An aversion to joy, symbolized by the "laughing face."

This isn't necessarily a wish for non-existence, but rather a desperate attempt to create a space where grief can be processed without external pressures or expectations.

Grief as a Companion

The poem introduces a striking metaphor: grief as a companion, even a lover. This grief is not portrayed as an enemy, but as an intimate presence:

• A "best friend."
• A "husband."
• The entity one curls into at night.

This personification of grief highlights the profound and often unexpected ways in which sorrow can become intertwined with our lives. It's a challenging concept, suggesting that grief, while painful, can also provide a strange sense of comfort and familiarity. It wakes up early to make you your cold thankless breakfast.

Seeking Physical Manifestation of Pain

The poem takes a darker turn, envisioning a place "where every surface is a blade." This imagery suggests a desire to feel something, anything, other than the emotional numbness that often accompanies grief. The sharp surfaces represent a yearning for physical sensation, a way to break through the emotional stagnation and reconnect with the body. The speaker wants to feel something, anything, other than this.

It's a dangerous desire, hinting at self-harm as a means of coping with unbearable pain. However, it also speaks to the intensity of grief and the lengths to which one might go to find relief, even if it's only temporary.

Conclusion: The Complexity of Grief

"Three Months After" is a powerful exploration of the multifaceted nature of grief. It acknowledges the desire to escape, the unexpected intimacy with sorrow, and the desperate search for feeling in the face of numbness. The poem doesn't offer easy answers or resolutions, but instead invites us to contemplate the complexities of loss and the human need to find ways to cope with the unbearable.